Getting used to my new self. I’m not there yet – but I’m on my way.

One step at a time. Next step – Christmas. Yeah, if you know us, you know –  we love Christmas. Next step – Christmas. Then the next Christmas – and the next, and the next. One at a time.

We had an interesting day today, that had a bit of a twist. Initially we were planning to go for a bit of a drive – maybe grab lunch – anything to get me out of the house. The week since my radiation finished has been a little tougher than I had hoped. I know I’ll never be my old self – but I’m looking forward to my new self, and I’ve been working hard for that. However, I still tire easily and it takes a little more effort than I thought to keep myself going. I’ve been trying to get out more, and today – I really needed to get out! So we were going to go for that drive, and I changed my mind – Let’s go for a walk. When Steve and I go for walks now-a-days we set destinations, so I can set goals and pace myself. I miss the days of just the two of us walking and walking, and not caring where we were going or worrying about when or how we’d get back. But that’s another story. Today we set a destination – the liquor store – but before you judge – there was a reason that went beyond alcohol. I haven’t had very much to drink since all this started happening. A glass of wine here and there. My favourite drink used to be Forty Creek Whisky. Steve’s a beer drinker, but around the holidays he likes to have his CC. So – it’s snowing around here, and we lit the pine scented candle, and we talked about Christmas – and we realized, our bar is very poorly stocked anymore. People come to visit to bring flowers and give me hugs – Nobody comes for shots and to let loose. We decided to head to the liquor store to make sure we had Forty Creek and CC for Christmas. That’s actually a very sentimental reason – ask anyone that knows us. We set out on our walk. It was so nice to put on a warm coat and hat, and walk in the cold air. When we got to the store, Steve grabbed his CC and I went for my Forty Creek. I was grabbing the bottle and Steve said – “You get a free glass with that. That’ll replace the one you broke”. I broke a glass a couple of days ago, so we thought that was nice how things worked out. Then we walked home. We left the bag on the kitchen floor and went on to other things. Steve eventually decided to put the bottles in the bar – and he opened the box that was on top of the Forty Creek bottle.

This is the box.

And this is the glass that was inside.

Steve showed me and we laughed. For those that don’t know – Hamilton is where I had my brain surgery, and where I had my radiation, and where I will continue with my chemo and any other treatments. We had no idea what the Forty Creek promotion was supposed to be, but Steve saw the “Forty Creek – 29km” sign and figured it had something to do with Forty Creek being so close to Hamilton.

Then we read the back of the box.

35 cities, and I picked up “Hamilton”. Then Steve looked closer at the glass.

This is an outline of Hamilton on Google Maps.

This highlighted area is approximately what appears on the glass.

That’s this section of Hamilton.

This is the route we take to get to my appointments at Hamilton General – and where I ultimately had my brain surgery.

This is the route we took everyday for six weeks to Juravinski Cancer Centre for my radiation, and where I’ll go for any future treatment.

On the glass.

That’s pretty cool! 🙂

Today was the day of my last radiation treatment. It didn’t go as planned. I forgot my pills, and half way to Hamilton we had to turn around and start over again – which made me late for my appointment. Steph and Haley came with Steve and I. My family. It couldn’t have been better. The drive there – the ringing of the bell – the drive home. And then we all went to a restaurant that none of us had been to before – and we celebrated. Sure, there’s more fight to come – but today – we celebrate!

Well… another week of radiation complete! I’ve been feeling quite a
bit more burned out and exhausted. I don’t feel comfortable in my body
for various reasons. My face and neck are even more swollen now from
the steroid etc. But, only 6 more radiation treatments! It can’t come
soon enough… Then I get my month break and hopefully I have less
pills to take and I can work away at getting to where I desire to be
with my “NEW” self. I crave a semblance of normalcy – to remember what
I used to feel like. Though I know it will always be different now – I
still believe I can find a fresh contentment in myself. I can be even
better! I mean, this whole situation has changed me in so many ways –
physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically. Going forward my
life and perspective will never be the same. And that is OK. I can BE
and live my life however I choose – it’s all mine to do with what I
want!

In other news, my incredible husband Steve bought me a punching bag
and gloves! (Pic below!) It turns out that having a brain tumour can
really bring about a lot of rage and frustration. Who knew? Lol I’ve
started using it a bit and it’s really freeing! I’m going to add it to
my regular workout routine – which has been a slower process than I
would like. But I’ll get there. 😎

Steve and I did a photo shoot together last week for Halloween. He is
in the shoot too. 😁 I’m so proud of the work we did together! It
wasn’t easy for me with how I was feeling but I so much wanted to do
it. Steve did a gorgeous job with the editing. It’s called “Forever
Ghost”. It’s a love story. I included some of my favs here. My
absolute favourite is the one of us in the crystal ball. It’s a
reminder to me that no matter what happens we will always be together
– forever! 🖤🖤